This month, Cynthia Amodeo, Children’s Services Coordinator at BFL’s Freedom House Emergency Shelter (www.bflnyc.org), discusses the impact of Domestic Violence on Children with Disabilities and the healing she has personally witnessed working with such children. Freedom House is an Emergency Shelter for survivors of domestic violence with disabilities or survivors who have children with disabilities.

Background: Domestic Violence and Children with Disabilities

Domestic Violence affects everyone in the family, including children, who often become the “silent” or “forgotten” victims. According to the National Center for Children Exposed to Domestic Violence, over 3 million children are at risk of exposure to parental violence each year.

A child witnessing violence may assume it is happening because he/she has done something bad. When a child in that situation has a disability, the perceived causal relationship is even stronger since a mother’s options may be limited by the need for accessible shelter or by the special needs of the child.  Children under the age of 12 have not yet developed the capacity for Secondary Causal thinking, e.g. that they are not in some way the cause of everything that happens in their world

Survivor’s Story as told by Cynthia Amodeo (pictured above)

Over the course of my tenure with Freedom House, I have worked with hundreds of children that have witnessed Domestic Violence, providing individual, family, and group counseling. These children have had an array of disabilities, including cerebral palsy, autism, visual impairment, and mental retardation, but many of their concerns are the same.

James, a 12 year old resident with cerebral palsy, came to Freedom House because his mother was being physically and emotionally abused by her husband. When first coming into shelter, James truly believed that his mother was being hurt because he was in a wheelchair. The abuser would often tell him that he was worthless, blamed him for the problems in the home, and even sold his wheelchair to limit his mobility. 

While at Freedom House, he continued to blame himself for his mother’s problems, such as having difficulty finding a wheelchair-accessible apartment. Through our team approach at Freedom House we were able to obtain a new wheelchair, as well as help him understand and cope with his experiences. 

Through counseling, I was able to help James begin to understand that his disability was not the cause of the abuse and his mother’s housing difficulties. I did this using both individual and family therapy. In our family sessions James and his mom spoke about how his disability was not the cause of the abuse and not a burden on the mother. In our individual work, James often would use the sand box and draw pictures to talk about the abuse.

 In addition, James was a great writer and often would put in writing his feelings.  I would like to share with you a portion of a letter this resident wrote to Freedom House about his experience:

“When I first came to Freedom House I was scared, afraid, and Worried because I did not know where I was going, how the neighborhood would be, or what school I would be put in. The first few days in the shelter were hard because I missed my family but then I started to feel comfortable. I did this by talking to the social workers, going to groups, and thinking about the future. I started to develop more confidence, strength, and hope so I could make it…I HAVE LEARNED A LOT AND GOT SOME GREAT ADVICE.”

Giving children the space to freely speak about the violence they have witnessed and/or experienced is very powerful for them. Many times they have to keep the violence a secret, feel isolated, and scared. It is important to recognize the signs and symptoms and be able to create a safety plan with the children. 

Cynthia Amodeo is the Coordinator of Children’s Services at Freedom House.  She is a graduate of Teacher’s College, Columbia University with her Master of Education and Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology.  Prior to Freedom House she worked with children and families impacted by the World Trade Center attack and children infected and affected with HIV/AIDS.

Brief list of symptoms to be aware of in children who witness violence ·         Sudden changes in behavior ·         Easily startled ·         Afraid to go home or leave home ·         Anxiety ·         Increased fatigue ·         Regression in development ·         Acting out/withdrawing ·

Safety planning with children ·      Talking to the child about what to do if there is a violent argument, such as: o        Setting up a safe place and knowing how to get there o        Knowing when to call 911 o        Using a code word to alert an adult of danger ·      Discussing who to talk to when feeling afraid ·      Writing down important phone numbers and addresses for the child in case of an emergency

·         National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: http://www.ncadv.org/

·         Family Violence Prevention Fund: http://www.endabuse.org/

·         National Center for Children Exposed to Violence: http://www.nccev.org/              

·         Safe Horizon: http://getinvolved.safehorizon.org/

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