Barrier Free Living, Inc. - BREAKINGBARRIERSNOV

Paul Feuerstein, President/CEO of Barrier Free Living discusses Supportive Agnosticism

In our Mission, Visions and Values, we state that “failure is an integral part of growth, which can lead to progress and success.” That statement grew out of my convictions about what I call “supportive agnosticism.” In my discussions with staff, we crafted that into our statement of values.

All too often, I have seen professionals tell a person with a disability to aim low�don’t do anything that might result in failure. The individual involved may feel like they are doing the person with a disability a favor. The assumption is that there is so much the person can’t do or so many frustrations already faced, that we shouldn’t encourage a person with a disability to start a project, learn a skill, or attempt to do something that could result in failure.

When we steer people away from the possibility of failure, we divert them as well from a path to success.

Our concerns may come out of our own perception of reality, but there is no way we can know how many barriers an individual can overcome in their own quest for his/her dream. That’s where we must admit to ourselves and the people we serve that we really don’t know how far an individual can go in the fulfillment of their dreams.

One of the greatest examples was a woman named Pat who came to BFL early on in our history as a BSW intern. She wanted to be a social worker, but her vocational counselor wanted to send her to a sheltered workshop because she was a Latina with an amputation. She put herself through a bachelor’s in social work program and continued on to get her MSW. She had a successful career as a hospital social worker. She is a former member of our board of directors.

I remember working with a new quadriplegic at Bellevue Hospital who vowed that she would walk again. It was not likely, but no one counted on the fierceness of her determination. Six months later, I came back to the hospital and saw her walking in their parallel bars (covered in braces with the encouragement of a physical therapist).

Not everyone is going to reach their goals, but we should not assume we know how far a person can go before they try.

Consumer’s Story as told by Paul Feuerstein, President/CEO

My illustration of supportive agnosticism is the story that follows.

Hannah was referred to BFL by her state vocational counselor. She had been diagnosed with a Borderline Personality Disorder and she could be described as “prickly.” Her counselor told her that she needed to be in counseling to develop her people skills in order to get his support for her to go to college.

The first time I met Hannah, she proclaimed that she was meeting with me under duress. What she really wanted to do was to get her degree in audio engineering so she could get a job.

I suggested that she either tell her counselor to “stick it” or she could go with the program and make the best of an unwelcome situation. As part of the intake, I asked if she had any experience of domestic abuse. She denied abuse, but three months after we started, she told me the story of her father’s sexual advances which started when she was about 12 (after her mother’s mastectomy) and continued until her massive stroke at 18.

As a result of her stroke, Hannah had expressive aphasia and short-term memory problems. Both of those conditions would be a challenge to her college career.

I told her that I couldn’t predict how far she could go in college, but that I would support her in her quest.

Part of our therapy addressed that support: how to negotiate with professors about her disability; how to work with classmates to reach a common goal; and how to manage her anger.

Hannah spent four hours processing every hour of lecture that she attended. She created transcripts of all of the lectures to help her with her memory. With the help of friends, she created a mini sound studio in her own home. She would double up her medical appointments so she could be reimbursed for transportation twice so she would have the extra money to help her reach her goals. We worked on the frustrations she felt because the tasks were difficult.

Along the way, we spent many hours addressing her issues with her father (who she demonized) and her mother (who she idolized). We also had the opportunity to deal with our relationship when I disappointed her. She began to see relationships in more colors than black or white (a subject for another article).

With a fierce sense of determination and the support of friends and therapist, Hannah graduated from community college Phi Theta Kappa, high honors.

A number of BFL staff members and I attended the ceremony to celebrate the triumph of a woman with multiple problems that should have made that event impossible. I share the story of Hannah with my staff when they think about making assumptions about any individual’s ability.

In our search for further information of this subject, the closest thing we could find to a useful resource was this advice for parents addressing the issue of failure with their kids: